Post by rainak on Jul 13, 2011 12:32:32 GMT -1
(Totally just found this story on my school user from about this time last year when I was 13/14 and thought I'd share it. 'S pretty crap and it's unfinished but I like it, to show me how I've improved. It's based on the RP we did, when we killed Imrik - the aftermath. We had to write in first person.)
____________________________________
Curled over, kneeling on the remnants of my lost home. I turn my head a scan my surroundings, four people – including me – spread across a broken piece of land, purple and corrupted, only capable of fitting fifteen people on at the maximum. Frowning, my eyes continue to swivel around until they settle on a man to my left, holding a hand on my shoulder. Regardless of how he is trying to comfort me, I just continue to stare, in disbelief.
“We did it, brother!” I pause, wiping tears from my eyes. “But the cost is too great.”
How I envy him, keeping his cool, keeping his emotions in check, keeping us alive. Nodding at my words, he turns his head staring at two bodies lying on the ground – one lying completely still and dead, the other still breathing, but seemingly must have fainted. Silver light shines throughout the darkness, brightening the corrupted land. Turning my head, I realize the source of the light, my brother.
“Yes, we did it Cailen.” A simple answer, but I wouldn’t be able to say much more. Pushing myself to my feet, I pick up my golden Katana from the floor and turning back to my brother.
“Let’s wake them up.” I turn to my right, looking down at the two female bodies, him turning too and walking to the closest body – the dead one. She has bright golden hair, tied back into a ponytail, the look of an average human; she wears a simple robe, yet with runic markings running up and down it, due to old deals. Nodding at my brother he kneels down and spreads his hand out just over her stomach.
“Carliana, your father would have been proud of you if he could live to this moment. But no, the Creator has better plans for you; it’s not your time.” A bright golden aura slowly crackles from his fingertips and spreads across his hand; he lowers his hand and places it on her stomach, the aura shooting into her and surrounding her in it, awakening her.
Smiling, I sigh in relief as her eyes shoot open, “Father? Is this the world of the dead?” she says simply, peering up at him.
“No, this is Alaister, you’re safe.”
“Good.” She nods, pushing herself up.
He turns to the other woman and walks over. She has long-flowing, brown hair and a blue, feminine shirt and trousers – a gypsy girl. He looks down at her and smiles, stroking through her hair, “Aliona, wake up.”
Right, now I’m guessing whoever has found this book is getting slightly confused now? I think now would be a good time to tell you what has happened.
Before all we know, before what you call the big bang, there was just blank open space, expanding forever and just no colour, not black like now-a-days space, just nothing. There was a man – a lord, a god, whatever you shall call him. At the least, he was the Creator, the Maker, the lord of this universe and the next.
The Creator began to be claimed by an eventual boredom of, day after day, years after year, century – even millennia – after century. He decided to eventually create life. At first he just created a sect of planets and solar systems, the residents of which could live forever – he named these immortals. After careful consideration he decided it may be a little unfair to just create a land where death was never an option, and that this would bring many problems. To solve this problem he created the mortal – a being capable of death and could only live up to a certain age if they were healthy.
These immortals from henceforth could not be killed my mortals, but could by fellow immortals. Admiring his work, he created the rest of the universe, all the planets and solar systems and then just… left, leaving his right-hand in control, Nature, of everything.
It was just obvious it was going to happen, not long after he left the immortals began to push their weight and power around, using the mortals as slaves. Eventually, one immortal known as Eraburis became sick of this cruelty and pleaded to Nature to make it stop. She just replied that she could not, it was not in her power to erase people, but maybe she could do something else. Her plan was simple, create a greater plane of universe and shove the immortals into it, if they wanted to come back here they’d have to take up a mortal form and live as them. That’s just what she did.
She may have not been able to erase the immortals as they were not her makings, but she could create new life. So she created what I am, a Melaer, we were – and still are – functioned with keeping the peace in the universe, heroes if you want, we were given the ability to live forever, and not die of natural causes, but we could still be killed by mortals, in that sense, we are mortal. That is the creation of the problem, now the build-up to it.
Melaer are beings of all the elements, we can manipulate the wind, fire, water, earth, darkness and light. We are a pointed-ear people and have sun golden eyes, which shine, even throughout the day.
The first two Melaer were twins, Imrik and Xenos. Given time the rest of the ancestors were created. It wasn’t long since one of them got hot-headed - Imrik. He claimed himself as king of all Melandrisia – our home world.
Also, he claimed that anyone whom used all the elements was corrupt and that only the light was pure – which caused some disagreement between Imrik and Xenos. Xenos was banished from the kingdom and was pushed into hiding, taking a band of Melaer with him known as Xenites. There was a massive war which Xenos lost and was slain – driving the Xenites into hiding. Imrik and his stupidity corrupted the Melaer and led them to believe that the light was the only way, turning their eyes from a sun golden of elements to a bright golden of light.
____________________________________
Curled over, kneeling on the remnants of my lost home. I turn my head a scan my surroundings, four people – including me – spread across a broken piece of land, purple and corrupted, only capable of fitting fifteen people on at the maximum. Frowning, my eyes continue to swivel around until they settle on a man to my left, holding a hand on my shoulder. Regardless of how he is trying to comfort me, I just continue to stare, in disbelief.
“We did it, brother!” I pause, wiping tears from my eyes. “But the cost is too great.”
How I envy him, keeping his cool, keeping his emotions in check, keeping us alive. Nodding at my words, he turns his head staring at two bodies lying on the ground – one lying completely still and dead, the other still breathing, but seemingly must have fainted. Silver light shines throughout the darkness, brightening the corrupted land. Turning my head, I realize the source of the light, my brother.
“Yes, we did it Cailen.” A simple answer, but I wouldn’t be able to say much more. Pushing myself to my feet, I pick up my golden Katana from the floor and turning back to my brother.
“Let’s wake them up.” I turn to my right, looking down at the two female bodies, him turning too and walking to the closest body – the dead one. She has bright golden hair, tied back into a ponytail, the look of an average human; she wears a simple robe, yet with runic markings running up and down it, due to old deals. Nodding at my brother he kneels down and spreads his hand out just over her stomach.
“Carliana, your father would have been proud of you if he could live to this moment. But no, the Creator has better plans for you; it’s not your time.” A bright golden aura slowly crackles from his fingertips and spreads across his hand; he lowers his hand and places it on her stomach, the aura shooting into her and surrounding her in it, awakening her.
Smiling, I sigh in relief as her eyes shoot open, “Father? Is this the world of the dead?” she says simply, peering up at him.
“No, this is Alaister, you’re safe.”
“Good.” She nods, pushing herself up.
He turns to the other woman and walks over. She has long-flowing, brown hair and a blue, feminine shirt and trousers – a gypsy girl. He looks down at her and smiles, stroking through her hair, “Aliona, wake up.”
Right, now I’m guessing whoever has found this book is getting slightly confused now? I think now would be a good time to tell you what has happened.
Before all we know, before what you call the big bang, there was just blank open space, expanding forever and just no colour, not black like now-a-days space, just nothing. There was a man – a lord, a god, whatever you shall call him. At the least, he was the Creator, the Maker, the lord of this universe and the next.
The Creator began to be claimed by an eventual boredom of, day after day, years after year, century – even millennia – after century. He decided to eventually create life. At first he just created a sect of planets and solar systems, the residents of which could live forever – he named these immortals. After careful consideration he decided it may be a little unfair to just create a land where death was never an option, and that this would bring many problems. To solve this problem he created the mortal – a being capable of death and could only live up to a certain age if they were healthy.
These immortals from henceforth could not be killed my mortals, but could by fellow immortals. Admiring his work, he created the rest of the universe, all the planets and solar systems and then just… left, leaving his right-hand in control, Nature, of everything.
It was just obvious it was going to happen, not long after he left the immortals began to push their weight and power around, using the mortals as slaves. Eventually, one immortal known as Eraburis became sick of this cruelty and pleaded to Nature to make it stop. She just replied that she could not, it was not in her power to erase people, but maybe she could do something else. Her plan was simple, create a greater plane of universe and shove the immortals into it, if they wanted to come back here they’d have to take up a mortal form and live as them. That’s just what she did.
She may have not been able to erase the immortals as they were not her makings, but she could create new life. So she created what I am, a Melaer, we were – and still are – functioned with keeping the peace in the universe, heroes if you want, we were given the ability to live forever, and not die of natural causes, but we could still be killed by mortals, in that sense, we are mortal. That is the creation of the problem, now the build-up to it.
Melaer are beings of all the elements, we can manipulate the wind, fire, water, earth, darkness and light. We are a pointed-ear people and have sun golden eyes, which shine, even throughout the day.
The first two Melaer were twins, Imrik and Xenos. Given time the rest of the ancestors were created. It wasn’t long since one of them got hot-headed - Imrik. He claimed himself as king of all Melandrisia – our home world.
Also, he claimed that anyone whom used all the elements was corrupt and that only the light was pure – which caused some disagreement between Imrik and Xenos. Xenos was banished from the kingdom and was pushed into hiding, taking a band of Melaer with him known as Xenites. There was a massive war which Xenos lost and was slain – driving the Xenites into hiding. Imrik and his stupidity corrupted the Melaer and led them to believe that the light was the only way, turning their eyes from a sun golden of elements to a bright golden of light.